one small step?

        The worst kind of enemy is the one who used to be your friend. Sometimes it happens overnight, but usually you walk away from each other so slowly that you hardly even notice. It's easy to do. You just pay close attention to what you don't like about her, and you ignore what you do like. Before you know it, she'll be so thin and so far away that you'll hardly be able to see her. That's why, every single day, you have to be so careful to take at least one small step in the right direction, before the fog closes in.

"To love someone means to see him as God intended him." Fyodor Dostoevsky 

win-win

        There was a best seller a few years ago called Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  I’ve forgotten six of the habits, but one stuck with me.  Here it is: when you’re talking to somebody, the main thing is to be sure you understand what he’s saying.  Once you’re sure you really understand his point of view, then (and only then) do you get to tell him your take on things.  I figure that, if we got this one habit right, we’d avoid a lot of arguments and heartache and maybe even some wars.  But we hardly ever do.  We tie ourselves in knots trying to make sure the other person understands us.  We repeat ourselves and raise our voices and do everything we can to keep the floor.  The problem is that the other person is usually doing the same thing.  Both people are so busy trying to be understood that nobody’s trying to understand.  Nobody’s listening.  You end up with dueling monologues, and everybody loses.  So it's probably worth the effort to learn a new habit that ends in win-win instead.  

 

greetings

        I called my brother-in-law last week.  From the way he greeted me, you’d have thought I was the queen of England.  It felt good.  And then, a few days later, when I dropped by to visit an old friend I hadn’t seen for a long time, her face lit up and she gave me a big, long bear hug.  That felt good, too.  So I’ve been thinking lately about how much greetings matter.  There’s a whole world of difference between a what-do-you-want-and-how-long-will-it-take greeting and a boy-I-sure-am-glad-to-see-you greeting.  This week, whenever somebody calls me or knocks on my door, I want to drop everything and greet her well.  I want to give her the same gift that my brother-in-law and my old friend gave me, because it's the kind of gift she'll want to give away, too.

getting it backward

       Sometimes we get things backward.  Big things.  One of those big things is contentment.  We think we'll be content when we finally get enough love (as in respect and admiration and affirmation) at home or on the job or wherever.  But we have it backward.  Trying to get love just makes us self-focused and needy and anxious, and that's not exactly the path to contentment.  We'll only start breathing the fresh air of contentment when we're willing to risk trading the self-focus of "do you love me?" for the other-focus "I love you." 

       What if we started each day with one simple request -- "Father, give me someone to love today"?

"You cannot command for yourself the love you would gladly receive; it is not in our power to do that; but that noble love which is not asking but giving -- that you can always have.  Wherever your life touches another life, there you have opportunity. . . .  To give a close, sympathetic attention to every human being we touch; to try to get some sense of how he feels, what he is, what he needs; to make in some degree his interest our own -- that disposition and habit would deliver any one of us from isolation or emptiness." George S. Merriam, b. 1843.

new heroes

        Major Ed Freeman was a hero.  For one day.  Decades ago, in the jungles of Vietnam, he put his life on the line.  Over and over again.  For one day.  When none of the Medevac helicopters would fly into the battle, Major Freeman flew in.  And his wasn’t even a Medevac helicopter.  Fourteen times he flew in.  Nobody knows how many men lived because of it.  How many sons.  How many fathers.  How many brothers.  How many friends.

        That makes me wonder.  What if I lived like that?  Even just for this one, short day?  What if I took the risk of looking around the office or the carpool line to see who’s wounded and who’s dying of thirst and who’s about to give up?  What if I risked my time and my energy and my compassion and maybe even my reputation to give them a hand?  What if we were all heroes for a day? 

On Nov. 14, 1965, [Major Ed Freeman’s helicopter unit] carried a battalion into the Ia Drang Valley for what became the first major confrontation between large forces of the American and North Vietnamese armies. Back at base, [Freeman] and the other pilots received word that the soldiers they had dropped off were taking heavy casualties and running low on supplies. In fact, the fighting was so fierce that Medevac helicopters refused to pick up the wounded. When the commander of the helicopter unit asked for volunteers to fly into the battle zone, Freeman alone stepped forward. He was joined by his commander, and the two of them began several hours of flights into the contested area. Because their small emergency-landing zone was just one hundred yards away from the heaviest fighting, their unarmed and lightly armored helicopters took several hits. In all, Freeman carried out fourteen separate rescue missions, bringing in water and ammunition to the besieged soldiers and taking back dozens of wounded, some of whom wouldn't have survived if they hadn't been evacuated. For these actions, Ed was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor on July 16, 2001, by President George W. Bush.”  Obituary, August 22, 2008  

on being married

“I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God.  I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love, gaming for your love.  I will simply love.  I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. . . .  God risked Himself on me.  I will risk myself on you.  And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him unto us.”

Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz