catch the wind

     You can’t change somebody else. You can’t change her behavior and you can’t change her attitude. You can’t change the way she feels or the way she reacts. But you sure can try. You can try very hard for years and years. You keep trying because it feels like you can’t be whole and happy until she changes. If one approach doesn’t work, you try another. It’s a lot like trying to catch the wind – you end up exhausted and empty-handed.

     You can’t catch the wind, and you can’t change somebody else, so you might as well quit trying. The funny thing is, once you quit, you get a joyful surprise: you find out that you can be whole and happy whether she changes or not. And that is very good news (for both of you).

“I want to hide a while behind your smile. . . . Ah, but I might as well try and catch the wind.” Donovan

“In the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.” Psalm 63:7

sad mad glad

     I’m tired of trying to be somebody I’m not. I watched a friend do that recently. She told me that, compared to other people in the room, she didn’t measure up. She was comparing her insides to other people’s outsides. She couldn’t see her own beauty (which was shining). It made me sad.

     It made me mad, too – not mad at her, but mad at the waste. I was mad and sad because I have wasted so much energy comparing my insides to other people’s outsides and coming up short.

     It made me so mad and sad that I think I’m finally willing to quit. From now on, if I want to compare, I’ll compare who I am today with who I was yesterday. I can already feel mad and sad turning into glad.    

“It is the chiefest point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is.” Desiderius Erasmus

“I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness.” Psalm 31:7 

act-as-if

     You can start a day over as many times as you want. That doesn’t sound true, so you have to try it and see for yourself.

     Yesterday I ruined the whole morning and most of the afternoon, whining and trudging as if life were one big chore. But then I remembered that I could choose to reboot. So I did.

     I gave myself permission to start over. I chose to act-as-if five o’clock in the afternoon were five o’clock in the morning. I chose to act-as-if I weren’t impatient and out of sorts and discouraged. At first it felt tense and wobbly, like riding a bike with training wheels, but after a while I got my balance and started enjoying the ride. I even took my hands off the handlebars a few times.

 “[T]hat your joy may abound and overflow.” John 15:11

a friend in disguise

      When you’re facing something big – a messy family situation or a possible move or a business headache or whatever -- and you don’t know what to do next, you can drive yourself crazy going over and over all the options. There’s a lot of pressure to just do something. But one option might be to do nothing -- to choose not to act. The confusion might mean that it’s too early to act. You might not have enough information yet. Maybe, just for today, you could be content to wait and see how things unfold. Maybe the confusion is a friend in disguise.

“When in doubt, don’t.” Unknown

“I have learned to be content whatever my circumstances. . . .” Philippians 4:11

courage

      Sometimes courage is so quiet that it’s hard to recognize (even in yourself). If you want to see it, you have to look with kind eyes.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” Mary Anne Radmacher

“Be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.  Do not judge. . . .” Luke 6:36-37

the committee

      When it comes to forgiving somebody, the members of the committee inside you usually have a lot of different opinions. The loudest one is angry and likes to rehash the awful things the person has done to you. Another committee member talks a lot about how much the person has hurt you and keeps warning you not to let that happen again. But it’s important to also listen to the quieter members of the committee – the kind one (who can still see good in the person) and the honest one (who remembers that you’re not perfect either) and the practical one (who says that it doesn’t make sense to keep carrying this weight around every day) and the artist (who can imagine the fresh air you’ll be breathing after you forgive) and the reassuring one (who reminds you that Rome wasn’t built in a day). If you do a good job chairing the committee, you’ll probably make a good decision.

“[J]ust as I forgive _____ who trespasses against me.” From Matthew 6:12